Time and Regrets

“How did it get so late so soon?”
- Dr. Seuss 

Time seems to slip by so fast. You mean to do so many things but you put them off. Often you find that it’s too late to do them, and are left with the bitter taste of regret. You meant to take that cooking class, you meant to call, and you meant to keep in touch. For some reason you seem so busy, it just doesn’t feel important enough until you’ve missed the opportunity.

The funny thing about those regrets is they start to stack up and the more you dwell on one, the more they pile up. It turns into a never ending cycle of things undone, haunting regrets, and a life unlived.

As horrible as that is, there’s a pretty simple answer to this massive burden we are intent on carrying around.

Do.


That’s it.


A two letter word.


Go back and take that class, pick up the phone.


It’s not really too late to do what you really want to do. Just start now. 

I just did.

get up and go...or stay in bed

It's dark.

Some moments when the clouds blanket the sky and cover the moon and stars, completely.

The is air cool and crisp. It would be beautiful... if only it weren't 4:30 in the morning. I'm not quite awake and I'm wishing I was still in bed, with blankets over my head. Yet, somehow, I've been talked into hiking. Up a peak. In the dark. Yesterday this seemed like the best idea. Now, I'm seeing some draw backs...


I trail behind my two "friends" who had this bright idea. One with sure, determined strides.The other stumbles forward ahead of me voicing the same thoughts I'm currently thinking. "Why are we hiking THIS early?"

"Sunrise is at 6:15" the reply comes flavored with an accent.

It's his only response.

For some reason he thinks that we too can think logically. I shake my head. I put an effort into putting one foot in front of the other to keep myself from stumbling or walking into a cactus. Because really, that would be a horrible way for the morning to start.


The ground under me begins to slope downward into a wash. My hiking boots sink into the loose sand. I trudge through it and up the other side over loose rock and not so firm sand. Gradually, the earth under my feet turns to a bed of rough rock and begins an upward incline. Despite the cool desert morning air I begin to sweat and I feel the need to stop and breathe but, I don't bother to voice my complaint. I shoulder onward. Soon, the rocks I'm treading on grow larger and the sand becomes more sparse as the rocks grown in size. "oh my god." I mutter to myself. "What WAS I thinking?" How in the world did this seem like such a brilliant idea just the afternoon before?

Finally, both of my fellow hikers are ready for a break and I collapsed to a rock that seems rather conveniently placed.

"Another 20 minutes." It's the unexpected break in the silence that has me looking up and up. It has to be another almost thousand feet up to the peak. Switching back and forth.

Yeah.

Right.

Lies.


I close my eyes. Take a deep breath and tell myself today is NOT the day I die and I most certainly WILL do this. One more swallow of water and up we go..

The trail is completely uneven now. Weaving to and fro. Going ever upward, the rocks are boulders now and in some places I have to climb over them(Which I find way more fun. Yes, I'm an odd duck.)


20 more minutes after we'd stopped for a break, we stop again. No, we're not at the top. There's another 100 feet and it's pretty much straight up. For the first time this morning I smile. Light has begun to creep over the horizon and the view laid out before me is more than just lovely. I take a deep breath before climbing to my feet. The others have already begun their ascent. I follow, hand over hand, I pull myself upward. I take a minute to pause, looking out to the light creeping into the sky I'm finally completely awake and I remember why I wanted to do this...


I finish my climb to the top and sit to watch the sunrise.

This is what beauty is...



It's a painted sky above the rocky, high desert. It's cool air over heated skin.

It's a moment of accomplishment when you've made it to the top and you have all the time in the world to enjoy what lies before you.

One Step at a Time...

There are things in life that you think you can’t do, you stare at them while shaking your head at impossibility of it. All the while saying, why? Why would you even want to do that?

You really do though, you really want to push yourself to this, to your mind unreachable goal. Other people around you easily accomplish what you don’t even dare to imagine doing, some even casually invite you along, but you laugh it off, smile in spite of desperately wanting to, you don’t want embarrass yourself that way, in what you think is a pathetic attempt at they will easily do. I know this because I feel like this sometimes myself.

There was this one time in particular, I set myself a goal, I wanted to hike this certain trail, I wanted to do it pretty badly. I doubted that I could, even if I pushed myself. Now, some people might think, hike? One little trail, that’s nothing. Well, in my mind it was huge, daunting task that seemed destined for me to fail at. Even so, with this in mind I decided I was going to do it, and then the best thing possible happened. A friend said she’d go with me, it wasn’t a big deal for her (She loves to hike, and would do it every day.) But she knew how I felt and wanted to help. Just her willingness to be there helped to push me forward. I would try. So, off we went, little by little, one step at time and finally I made it to the top. I reached my goal.
It was one the greatest feelings I have ever known, to do what seemed impossible, to meet a goal I had once couldn’t even imagine attempting.


I stood there at the top, looking a the amazing view before me, seeing how far I’d come, it nearly took my breathe away.


We made our way back, and as we walked I began to realize something. She had known I could to that. She believed in me before I could. I was honored, not only by her faith in me, but that I had lived up to it.


So, I guess what I saying is, if I can, you can. If you want it? Go for it.
And if you need a friend…… well, I know a great one.

Not What I Expected

I wasn't supposed to be here for the summer. It wasn't in my plans. I was going to be exploring Northeastern Wisconsin and the U P. My days were going to be filled with zip lining, whitewater rafting, and hiking out to waterfalls when I wasn't too busy working for an amazing rafting company.



Unfortunately, like so many things, my lovely plans didn't work out. I didn't even make it 2 weeks with rafting company before admitting defeat and calling it quits. I was very disappointed, but, I was completely miserable and I knew I couldn’t stay.


So, I packed my car, and you know that saying, "Home is that place, when you have to go there, they will always take you." So, home I went. To Alabama. South Alabama. I found a job (, from an old friend. Yay! Facebook!) in Orange Beach at a lovely little hotel and I flopped around on sofa's at various loved ones homes.


I took my nephew out every chance I got, I spent time with my wonderful niece ( she's 10 going on 22) I had way too many ice cream dates with my grandmother and I got to hang out with my totally awesome best friend.


I went to movies, hit the beach, played in the creek, went to horse shows, spent time at the Gulf Park and the wildlife reserve. I went riding, mudding, sat around bonfires, played in the woods, went to cookouts and had the best sweet tea I've had in just about forever. I laughed, talked slower, watched the rain from a porch swing, fell back in love with seafood, had my grits the way only my Mama can make'em, and had the best greens I've had in a good long while.


So, my summer didn't go the way I planned it..... Instead, I had the chance to spend time with my crazy family and even crazier friends. I spent time doing things, seeing places, and hanging out with people that I hadn't in years.


No, my summer didn't go as I expected, it was better than I had imagined.

A friend once told me...

A good friend told me that she found it amusing that she was the only one that listened when I mumbled. She found my remarks, which were most often sarcastic and most usually inappropriate, entertaining. Just because of the oddity that I, the polite, sweet person would say such things. This friend and I often found humor in each other eccentrics, being two Southerners lost in a sea of people who weren’t as inclined to see things as we did. I dearly miss having someone who knew to listen when the whole world missed the joke.

Battle of Boredom!

Boredom… it can catch you anytime. Your day is going well enough, your off with nothing you need to get done. When out of nowhere it hits you, you have nothing to do!! Not even a minute ago this was a great thing, but now? 

Tragedy!

This has happened to me many a time, but one particular time stands out in my mind, mainly because the evil that was boredom was defeated. Now, I’m not saying I did it by myself(sometimes that can happen….just not THIS time). At the time I was with a friend, and we were bound and determined that we would find something, anything to do.


And if we didn’t? It wasn’t going to be because we didn’t try. So, we knocked on doors, we talked to people, we walked from one dorm to another and harassed everyone on all three floors. We talked, we sang, we marched, and we laughed our heads off.

Suddenly, I realized something(other then the fact we were annoying the hell out of everyone else) we weren’t bored. We had managed the impossible, the amazing feat of battling boredom. We still had nothing to do, but we were enjoying it. I’m not sure at what point this happened, and really does that matter? I now know that boredom may come but, it doesn’t mean I have to put with it. Sometimes a good friend can help you drive the world crazy, and fight off the boredom.

it's a seasonal life for me..

 It began, I suppose, as most things seem to do in my life...completely at random.

    I was stuck in a bubble. Working to many hours, in a job I didn't quite hate. Barely going out and holing up in my apartment on days off, reading books and avoiding the world at large.
I didn't know what I wanted or who I wanted to be... I felt like I was missing the punchline to a joke everyone else seemed to understand.

Yeah, I know...this sounds like a total blast, why would I change a thing..?
...and then I had what I like to call a "What the hell?!?" moment. I applied to a job at a resort in Colorado on whim.

    Now, mind you, I'm from way down south ... so, this was half way across the U.S. and way outside my comfort zone. Why I did this.. well, I don't know, but to my surprise I actually got the job.... So, going with the same "what the hell" mind set. I quit the job I was coming to loath and got rid of most of my possessions and packed what was left into my little pick up and drove to the Rockies.

     And that was it.

      My beginning.

      Before this I didn't even know what seasonal work was and I probably wouldn't have understood how anyone could have so little and go so far...and I definitely wouldn't have known I was the type of person to do this.... but, I found a piece of myself I never knew existed. The person that could live in the moment and take risks. That went big and refused to sit home. I've been doing seasonal work for 8 years now. Going and doing. Seeing new places and meeting new people. Trying new things.  I've lived in the mountains. Rode across deserts. Watched the sunrise over the atlantic and set over the pacific. I've fallen in love with places I'd never dreamed I'd see, once upon a time. I've dared myself to do things I've feared and laughed as I did it. I'm still a little uncertain where I'm going in life or how long it's going to take me to get there... but i sure as hell am enjoying life and finding new places to explore.