Big Moments

I think it’s the struggles in life that define us, the hardships that show us our strengths and weaknesses. Whether we triumph or fail, and how we can move on when tragedy befalls us. How we react to those big moments in life that we have no control over.


The biggest for me happened when I was 16 and has every day since defined how I live my life.


The air was almost cool as I stepped out the door of my house and walked down the driveway to the dirt road that led toward the bus stop. I look down at my watch, I was late, and even as I thought it the bus screeched to a stop at the end of the road. I took off running, pushing myself to go as fast as I could, and somehow I made it. I climbed the steps and found a seat while I struggled to catch my breath. I gasped for air that I couldn’t quite catch, my chest was hurting, and my arms were aching. It seemed to take forever to make it the school and when it finally did, I knew that I couldn’t stay. With a friends help I called home. My mother picked me up and took me to the hospital. I was back in the ER faster than I ever thought possible. I was hooked to up to pulse monitors, to heart monitors and an IV. I still hadn’t caught my breath and now I couldn’t feel my arms.

After hours laying in that bed my heart rate was down and I could breathe, my chest had stopped hurting and I could feel my arms, but I was more tired now then I’ve ever been in my life. When the doctor returned to release me, he didn’t know what was the matter with me, but he had an appointment for me for another doctor for another day.

For the next for weeks that was my life, uncertain doctors making referrals.

That was until nearing the end of March, after many tests they knew what it was, they told me I had Graves’ Disease, an abnormality with the thyroid that causes an over production of hormone which speeds up everything in your body. The doctors tell me I have three options, of these my best option is radiation to kill my thyroid.

I suppose, I thought it would be like a magic pill. I would take it and then I’d be better, but as I’m sure you know that’s not what happened. It took me months before I felt anything but utterly exhausted and years before I felt something approaching normal. It was an uphill battle every day, but I’ve pushed myself to try things I thought I couldn’t do, dared myself to do the things that scare me, because I don’t want to regret the things that I didn’t do.